


SinningOnSunday's Origin Story

by SinningOnSunday



Category: Christian Bible (Old Testament)
Genre: Attempt at a bio but it ended up being too long, In the beginning there was chaos, Now you've got us hoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinningOnSunday/pseuds/SinningOnSunday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the can</p>
            </blockquote>





	SinningOnSunday's Origin Story

In the beginning, there was chaos. 

Then from the chaos, God formed the Heavens and the Earth. But everything was washed in darkness. So God said, "light this shit up, fam", and it was lit. God saw this and it was good.

God separated the light from the dark to create the night and day, one by which to pray and one by which to party. There was evening and there was morning, the first day. 

God spent the next two days mucking about in "World Building" mode, creating land and mountains, streams and forests and valleys, whipping up amazing and beautiful plants both large and small. But it was still missing something. He slammed the ground with his fist in frustration. From the creator sprang forth a bushy plant with star like leaves. The leaves whispered calmingly in the breeze God created as if to say, “Chill out bruh”. The plant’s sweet scent filled God’s nostrils; He plucked a leaf and tasted it. In a short time, the colors, smells, and sounds of His creation intensified and He was filled with a sense of Euphoria. God saw this and it was good. There was evening and there was morning, the third day. 

On the fourth day God celebrated the creation of his new plant by throwing a rave and splattering the night sky with glow-in-the-dark paint. "Let's call them stars," he whispered in a cloud of smoke. But He had no one to whisper to. So in the wee morning hours of the fifth day, God began forming life, filling the oceans and the skies with creatures of all shapes and sizes. The first batch was pretty weird; God WAS fucked up on the pipe. He took these animals and placed them in Australia. God saw this and it was good. 

On the sixth day, God filled the land with creatures magnificent and not so magnificent. But still something was missing. God lit up another J and pondered his conundrum. He wished He had a homie to share His blunt. So He reached down into the soft soil below His feet and constructed a man in His image, a bro for Him to hang with. God exhaled a puff of smoke through the man’s lips, calling him into life. The man opened his eyes and smiled.

“Duuuuuude”

“DUUUUUDE”

There was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

On the seventh day God rested, as His work was now complete, or so He thought. 

Though God organized the chaos to the best of His celestial, omniscient abilities, there was still a dark corner of the earth where the chaos still thrived and boiled, like a cup of ramen noodles left in the microwave for too long. From this violet pit rose forth two women, equal in beauty and intelligence, passionate and loving, but with minds so dirty even industrial strength chlorine bleach could not scratch the scum than lined their perverse heads. 

These two women found the internet, and the rest is history.

Thus is the origin story of SinningOnSunday. 

Now let the sin begin.


End file.
